QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead
Chapter 112: Don't wonder where you came from, where you're going

He doesn't want to have this kind of heavy conversation in the kitchen, and leads Han Yu towards the bedroom.

He sits down on the bed and pulls Han Yu by the wrist to sit with him.

"This is going to sound insane, but, I've been looking for you across multiple realities," he says the words in a single breath, trying to get them all out before he loses his nerve.

Han Yu stares at him in silent confusion.

"Does Xi Zirui mean that in a metaphorical way?" he asks, after some time trying to parse out Xi Zirui's words.

Xi Zirui takes Han Yu's hand in his.

"No, I mean it literally. I'm not from this world, I strapped myself to some weird machine like an idiot, because I was bored with my life." He smirks, self-deprecating and fond all at once. It feels like all that happened such a long time ago.

He isn't even sure he's the same Xi Zirui as the one who first stumbled into the Transmigrator 4000.

"This isn't the first time we meet," he says, gesturing between the two of them. "This world I mean. We've been actors, a prince and a concubine, a master and disciple, but we've always been drawn to each other."

He thinks about the best way to describe their connection, but words fail him.

It feels like such an all-encompassing thing, he can hardly make sense of it to himself, let alone explain it to Han Yu.

"It's like the moon and the tides," he says, after a long moment of quiet. "The same forces that push us together, also keep us apart."

Han Yu frowns in confusion. "How so? Xi Zirui said we have met in other worlds."

Xi Zirui sighs. "Yes, but only temporarily." He looks up at Han Yu, feeling his throat constrict with emotion. "I haven't managed to find a way to stay with you for good. So I keep trying."

"And I'm human in these other worlds?" Han Yu asks, trying to digest that information.

Xi Zirui cups Han Yu's jaw with his palm, clinging to the front of his jumpsuit. "You're always you. Please believe me, across every world I've been to, you're always you, no matter what else changes."

Han Yu meets Xi Zirui's gaze. "I'm an Android now, how can I also be the others Xi Zirui met?" He shakes his head. "Androids don't have souls to reincarnate."

"I don't know how it works either, I didn't believe in any of this before I was strapped to that machine and sent into alternate realities, but you need to believe me. It's you in every world, there is only you for me."

It's clear that Han Yu is having trouble accepting the truth of Xi Zirui's words.

But Xi Zirui can't take any of it back now. He can only push forward and make him understand.

"You said you had dreams, remember?" Xi Zirui asks, his breathing quickening in anxiety.

Han Yu nods slowly.

"I don't think those are dreams, I think they're memories, from our time in the other worlds."He clutches Han Yu's hand. "The things you dream about, they've happened."

"Then, my life now isn't real?" he asks looking down at himself, at his hand in Xi Zirui's smaller one.

"It is real, the things that happen in each world, the lives you've lived before we met, it's all real, I'm sure of it," Xi Zirui says, clinging harder to Han Yu. "I don't fully understand it myself, but I don't think we're going through this for nothing...there's something else going on, I just can't figure it out."

He hears a familiar chime. "Host, Ni Ni..."

Xi Zirui ignores her, he doesn't have time to deal with her half-truths right now. The most important thing to him is making sure Han Yu understands.

Slowly, Han Yu's arms come up around Xi Zirui's shoulders, pulling him forward into his chest. "Did the others know? Did they remember?"

Xi Zirui shakes his head before learning against Han Yu's shoulder and lowering his head into the crook of his neck. "The same as you, just dreams, some of their dreams weren't even of things that had happened. Just of the two of us."

Han Yu is silent for some time, one of his hands comes up to Xi Zirui's hair and smooths down the soft strands. "Maybe they saw things that haven't happened yet."

That possibility freezes Xi Zirui.

It's not something he has considered, but what does that mean regarding his own role in all of this?

Han Yu is still turning around the idea in his mind. "What if they're remembering something that already happened but that Xi Zirui doesn't remember?"

"No, I remember everything," Xi Zirui says, vehement in his conviction.

Han Yu pulls him back by the shoulders, and looks down into his eyes.

"How can Xi Zirui know for sure?"

Xi Zirui stammers, at a loss for words.

He knows because there aren't any lapses in his memory, because he remembers all his life up to the moment he walked into the shop and met the crazy Shopkeeper, and then remembers everything that has happened afterwards.

All his life, he remembers all of it.

He even told Han Yu, in the second world, about his grandma, with the plot of land, no...his aunt. Xi Zirui clearly remembers his nephew, but maybe a niece.

His mother, teasing him about his red-rimmed eyes. "Rui'er you make people want to pinch your cheeks and bully you." Sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ NʘvᴇlFirᴇ.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of nøvels early and in the highest quality.

What happened to his mother? Why can't Xi Zirui remember?

What was her name?

He must make some sound of distress because Han Yu pulls him against his chest with one arm and wraps the other around his waist. "From the beginning, tell me everything from the beginning. It's alright, we'll make sense of it."

---

Xi Zirui feels as if he talks for hours, just letting the words pour out of him until he feels hollowed out.

He tells Han Yu everything, about Su Xueyi, Liao Min, Bai Mi, Li Siqi, even Shen Yun -- he doesn't leave anything out.

Frustratingly, the more he talks the less sense he can make of it all. It's obvious everything is connected, but Xi Zirui always saw himself as the outsider, as the one who was stepping in in someone else's reality, someone else's life.

He never stopped to consider that he might be a part of the same loop that binds everyone else together.

He just doesn't understand what any of it means.

As expected, Ni Ni doesn't offer any answers. Stubbornly silent, despite the probing questions Xi Zirui sends her way.

Han Yu thinks over every aspect of what Xi Zirui told him, calmly, sounding out different theories before arriving at a definite conclusion:

"I think it means that maybe we aren't meant to be here. Maybe we came from a different place, all of us."

"But why? What's the point of all this?" Xi Zirui asks, spreading his arms wide to encompass the whole room with a dispirited sigh.

"I think the more important question is why is Xi Zirui the only one who keeps his memories after each world, while all everyone else gets are disjointed dreams?"

He's right. Somehow, Xi Zirui is the key to the whole thing.

It's obvious in hindsight, but it was never a coincidence that he walked into that shop in the first place.

The Shopkeeper admitted as much, she told him straight up she wouldn't let him leave if he tried.

His entire worldview is shifting into a new focus, but he doesn't know yet where he stands in the middle of it all.

Han Yu sees the anguish in Xi Zirui's eyes and pulls him into his lap, dropping a gentle kiss to his temple, finally breaking through the last frosty pane of ice that had grown between them.

"It will be alright, Xi Zirui will figure it out," he smiles against Xi Zirui's soft hair.

"I'm tired," Xi Zirui admits. "I just want to live a peaceful life with you."

Han Yu smiles, looks down into Xi Zirui's eyes and cups his jaw before kissing him, with a tender brush of lips. "Who says we won't? I believe in Xi Zirui, he found me even in space."

Xi Zirui chuckles. It does feel surreal, all of it.

Who knew that when he walked into that bizarre shop he'd be also walking towards his destiny.

Fate. Perhaps, Fate knew all along.

Xi Zirui never put much stock in it, but maybe his beliefs are in need of reevaluation.

They fall into a comfortable, companionable silence.

Even with the confusion swimming around his thoughts, Xi Zirui is glad they've managed to overcome the misunderstandings of the past days.

With Han Yu by his side, Xi Zirui can take on the entire world -- or multiverse, as it seems to be the case.

A sudden alarm almost startles him off the bed.

"Host, someone is hailing the ship, communication incoming," Ni Ni says, putting an end to their little moment of tranquility among the mounting storm.

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